God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
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i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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