I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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