Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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