she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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