i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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