I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
