so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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