nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
