I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i think my cat just said my name.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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