I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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