Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
