3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
