I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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