Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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