I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
3 2 1 whiskey
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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