my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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