The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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