the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
