OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
