Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
