he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
