Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
