I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
