Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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