You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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