Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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