woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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