Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
