i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
