I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
