I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
