Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
