he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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