Ambien. No doubt about it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
