You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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