this boner is exhausting
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
