just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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