Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
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I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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