This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
