You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
