yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
