forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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