batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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