She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
