wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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