Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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