Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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