They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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