I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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