I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
