There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
