I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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