Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
