i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
