Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
