I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The uberlube is also flammable
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
