life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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