you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
