The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
