these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
