her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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