You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
