if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
