You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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