You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
