Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
