sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
