im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
