he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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