I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
