I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
