I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
