just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
